utopia247

I sit on my old bed.

Of which is tatterd now.

The bed i used, whilst living with my mother.

Blimey all sorts of shit was brought back to this bedroom.

IE, POLICE, me coverd in blood, getting high,

As the world passes by

All that,

Feel content.

Anxiety levels, below 0.

11-16 pm.

No alcohol for a couple a weeks.

Proud feeling wraps round me.

Followed by thoughts of positive tracks.

Tracks of which i follow.

And surround myself with loving feelings.

Feelings i havent felt for couple years.

Peace of mind.

I allow myself to absorb the love spilt from my daughter.

Chatter box that she is .

Is my special girl .

keeps me going.

Please excuse me, jumping from hear to there.

Free flow.

Just write what pops to the mind.

Away we go.

A beautiful smile from lois.

I warm up.

Mental block.

Xmas 2 days away.

Then into 2015.

gOING TO WRAP THIS UP FOR NOW.

IT SHALL BE KEPT AS A DRAFT.

Good bye for now.

kind loving thoughts.

Shall hover .

Flow through us.

abide by us .

I wrap this up.

Wishing everybody a great xmas.

And a wonderful new year.

Much love to you all

Dangerous thoughts.

utopia247

whilst sitting alone.

4 walls surround  me.

Suffocate me.

IF .

I allowed it.

The power of the mind.

I can break free.

from this mental.

Torture.

No one has to beat me up .

A i do enough of that myself.

The chit chat.

never stops.

ALL negative.

Thoughts run rapidly.

Across my mind.

Which leads to .

Anxiety.

Depression.

And so on.

MY home becomes a prison.

Projected from my .

Stinking thinking .

I challenge my thoughts.

BUT its not easy.

In my arm chair.

Cuddled up . by the arms of my chair.

I allow myself to think.

what i have in my life.

A lovely flat.

beautiful daughter.

loving family.

ETC ETC.



Balance my thoughts.

Break down the walls.

using my mind.

The prison i built around myself.

Is diminished.

I'm still sat in my cosy chair.

Walls disappear.

Its me flat on my chair.

The sky is blue.

The sun beaming.

As i relax .

Smelling the fresh cut grass.

That seeps .

Welcomed in through my window.

I'm relaxed.

Not disturbed .

Appreciate what we have.

As there is always .

Away to glory.

BLINDED MIND

Feeling insane.

Below the poring.

Raine.

A mother to be.

Wishing for 3.

Back out at sea.

She misses me.

waves.

Break over me.

This way .

And that way.

Why .

can i not.

See.

The danger.

That lays.

Right in front.

Of me.

SITTING BY THE LAKE

The sun beams down.

as i lay.

on the damp grass.

not bothered by the damp.

As i look across the.

lake.

Carp swim close to the surface.

Lapping the suns warmth.

Sky..

So so blue.

not a grey cloud.

to be seen.

A slight cool breeze .

Keeps me cool.

A bee with its beautiful colour.

Working hard away.

Smell the mixed sent.

Flowers.

Grass.

Trees.

surrounded by leaves.

walk ways .

where people oftenly.

use the same path.

leads me into a.

labyrinth.

Trees.

this way and that.

Muddy walk ways .

Here, there,and .

every where.

time passes.

i leave the mixed walk ways .

Where I'm sure many get lost.

out in the open.

field up on field.

a rusty old.

hanger.

Tractors.

and a loud generator.

rattling away.

Sheep, cows .
etc, etc.

Birds fly land on branches.

i sit.

Roll a fag.

smoke it whilst.

looking around.

i feel content.

At one .

with the beauty about.

Nature .

Whilst I'm there.

Gives me a piece of mind.

(piece, of mind).

No .

PEACE of MIND.

GOD.

GREAT, OUT, DOORS.

Back next to the lake.

 A grass snake.

swims across the water.

With its lovely .

Gold coloured collar.

I'm put in a trance.

As i watch this beautiful .

Creature.

The sun says good by.

As it starts to rest.

Sky mixed with colours.

Blue, green, red,turquoise.

I'm up and off back home.

saying goodnight .

to such a beautiful.

sight .

good, night, god bless.

 for now.

i also must rest.

be assured.

i shall.

come back and vist you.

once again.

my.

Deer, deer.

friend .

LIFE CAN BE A STRUGGLE

life can certainly be hard

a struggle.

there is so much filth.

disgusting people.

most people are.

the most animalistic.

of all.

that drains .

this planet.

but then.

not all.

is sickening.

life can be beautiful.

this planet has alot to offer.

so why is there so much.

pain and misery.

caused by others.

maybe the way they were brought up.

Blame the parents ?

born with a mind.

that is sick .

Ill ?

what my eyes have witnessed.

Is enough to make most.

Vomit.

the robbing.

Thieving.

Violence.

to the extreme.

Drug abuse.

Etc etc.

things i have seen on TV.

Most religions at war.

Killing for land.

Money.

Sex.

partner has betrayed one.

and on and on.

i could be here for hours.

but don't want to bore you.

or sicken.

you.

Although there is.

beauty.

THE trees.

grass we lay on .

on a sunny day.

the Rivers.

that lead to the ocean.

the sea life.

flowers.

pure and true.

the moon.

controlling the rivers, tide.

is life what we make?

is life for some better off than others.

is it the hand we are dealt?.

way we are brought up?

Maybe no one knows.

maybe some think they know.

but what i know.

is that life can be.

truly a struggle.