45.....?

Will i still be alive.

When ime 45 ?

Or shall i die.

You may question why.

Things must change.

Before that age.

As 45 creeps up on me.

Tis doubtful ile make 45.

This give me gratification..

A man torn & emotionally disabled.

Squeeze me please.

Squeeze out the ousing , emotions.

Most full with anxiety.

Tainted ,painted black.

Fainted & fading.

Is my mind, body & soul.

Does my soul still exist.

Is my soul still with me.

Or is it amiss.

The torture i endure.

(SOME PEOPLE SAY ITS YOUR OWN DOING,).

No no no.

The substances that i pump into my body.

I take responsibility for.

Although its not done out of fun (the buzz).

My nerves need taming.

OF which many professionals have tried .

To no avail ..

2 YEARS, 3YRS total abstinence ..

BUT the anxiety & panic attacks .

Will not leave me alone.

Time to call myself (the doctor).

So i can self medicate.

And go through the whole cycle once again .

The fear has gone,(HASN'T IT).

Yes for these sweet few hours.

Only to return ..

Very aggressively.

Leaving me on my knees with my hands in the air.....

MR BLUES

And yes the black man.

With his blues.

Helped the guitar cry.

And sigh .

The man also wept & cried .

Tears of joy.

Ran down his face & onto the strat guitars face (headstock).

Down its neck & body.

The hammer ons ..

Belted the guitar.

As if the stratocaster  had done something wrong.

Mr blues.

Slipped & slided all over the guitars fret board.

Fret not stratocaster.

For we are one.

In perfect harmony .

8 two 12 beat bars.

Bartender.

12 of your finest ..

Please.

Was the order.

In which they both played...